so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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