you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
