So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
