1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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