Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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