I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
