i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
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I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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