Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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