I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
