I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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