Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
