probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
