Christians are straight up FREAKS
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
