Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
