I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
