I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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