You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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