i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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