At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
People in love make me want to vomit
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
