I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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