can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
