she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
