obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
