Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
