i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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