i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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