her vagine was all disorganized.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
