I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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