I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
