dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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