I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize