the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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