So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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