david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize