true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
