I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
and you fell through a lawn chair
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
