So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
there's paper in my vomit.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
