I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
