11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
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He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
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Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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