my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
