i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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