My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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