They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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