The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
