I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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