We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
