i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
