I want to walk on stilts...naked
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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