Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
