I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just gift wrapped bread.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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