1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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