dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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