I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
