were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
