I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
