I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
