return my video game
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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