Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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