He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
there was a trapeze. enough said
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
