so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
