You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
