i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
