I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
