Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
