omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
